Five Ways To Be Happier Today

I am notorious for putting pressure on myself and just generally being pessimistic. It makes me cringe to admit that since I like to think I'm a generally optimistic person. I'll tell you whose optimistic, my husband...Andrew. Ha, it's almost sickening sometimes (and I mean that lovingly). I would LOVE a pair of his rose colored classes but alas, I think he possesses the only model ever made. Seriously, it's not a "being naive" thing for him. He truly is always able to see the silver lining. In a way we balance each other because I tend to bring the healthy dose of reality and he injects just enough hope to make all of our dreams seem possible. Though I'm typically able to see the bright side, it's not before heading down the "how catastrophic can this situation get" path calculating and planning for all the bad things that can happen, preemptively determining course corrections, etc. I very much buy into the, "I'd rather be prepared for the worst than hope for the best" approach. Not that there isn't some inherent value in that, but by and large, I really have room to look on the bright side much more often than I do.

I frequently challenge myself to do this and have placed special focus on this mindset recently, especially since little life stressors seem to be stacking up. We've been making some big decisions and changes in careers and finances, and we're about to have a second child. I was getting myself down, big time. Obsessing. I know I've gone over the edge when Andrew looks at me and asks how many hamsters I'm slaying in my head. I guess I get a "look" in my eye and sort of zone out and he says he can see the hamster wheel turning as I over think things...and not in a good way. Apparently I give hamsters on my little brain wheel heart attacks. Oops.

So, in an effort to be more positive, and in turn happier, I spent some time reflecting the past few days on what I would offer as my five most important tips for being more upbeat. I think it's a pretty solid list and one I know has helped me turn my internal chatter around to a more positive place. 

Forgive

This is a big one. And the hardest. So worth mentioning first. If at all possible, really train yourself to exercise forgiveness. The past few months I have been hurt and disappointed by colleagues, family, and friends. And that's ok. Truly it is...it's life and it will happen virtually every day. (God knows how many people I disappoint on a daily basis. If you're reading this and I've wronged you, my heartfelt apologies! Please let me know if we need to talk it out or hug it out.) Thankfully, I don't think any of the transgressions I've been subject to have been direct or malicious, at all, but they still slice. Some have quite frankly pissed me off. I may have even shed a tear or two (pregnancy hormones, ha!) But you know what, hanging on to the hurt or disappointment is toxic. I was telling Andrew recently that I wish forgiveness came a little more naturally to me. I think it's because I tend to overanalyze situations...I'm always seeking out answers and the "why". I believe that makes me tend to hold on to things because I like closure, justice, and discussion and planning on how these things can be avoided in the future. But you know what, that's not real life...and not even necessarily worth it. Honestly, many times it's better to just let things go. You can be pissed for 5 minutes, punch a wall, bawl your eyes out for an evening...but then do yourself the biggest favor you can and move on. Sometimes, if it's possible and appropriate, you can share your feelings with the party involved and hash it out a little but mostly, it's better to just let it go. Until you try it I can't really illustrate how liberating and good it can feel. I think this quote from motivational speaker Wayne Dyer sums it up:

"Forgiveness is the most powerful thing that you can do for your physiology and spirituality. Yet, It remains one of the least attractive things to us, largely because our egos rule so unequivocally. To forgive is somehow associated with saying that it is all right, that we accept the evil deed. But this is not forgiveness, Forgiveness means that you fill yourself with love and you radiate that love outward and refuse to hang on to the venom or hatred that was engendered by the behaviors that caused the wounds."

And if nothing more, at the end of the day...I just don't have time to be mad. And I love my friends, my family, and everyone else that comes into my life more than to allow stupid little transgressions become irreparable catastrophes.  

Trust Your Guts
This one is particularly important to me, and something I used to be good at. Interestingly, as I get older, I find myself trusting myself less and less. I used to be a go-getter, a risk taker (albeit calculated), and generally fearless. I wasn't base jumping or dabbling in illegal drugs...but I was putting myself out there in relationships, school, and career. I've never been afraid of failure or to try new things. I always approach things with a healthy dose of reality but if I wanted something, I generally went after it. Maybe I just have more on the line these days. I'm no longer responsible for just myself. I have a husband, children...a family to consider. Still, I'm trying hard to reconnect with that sense of adventure and gusto that I once possessed. Consequences of my decisions scare me a lot more now since there is so much more riding on their successes and failures. The other day I discussed some changes I'm making in regards to my career and role in my family. This terrifies me. I know it's the right decision but that doesn't prevent me from talking myself out of it on an almost daily basis. Right before writing that post I was talking to Andrew and it was sort of the final stake in the ground...I'm doing this. We're doing this. It's decided. Trust your guts. So maybe you can challenge yourself to do the same. If you've been waffling over life decisions, large or small, challenge yourself to make a decision and stick to it. Trust your instincts. In the grand scheme of things they've rarely led me wrong.

See the Positive Side

This one is pretty simple. Switch the script in your mind. Just do it. Change the negative that you say into something positive. I'll give you a good example. Lately, I've been obsessing that Connor seems to come home from the sitter (who he pretty much goes to full time until recently) in a terrible mood. Not that he is poorly cared for there or having a bad experience, he's just worn out from fun with little friends and all of the activity. As I mentioned in a previous post, I often feel like I see him at his worst on weekdays. Until recently, I was working full time and felt like our interactions were extremely limited on weekdays and when I did get the opportunity to spend a few quality minutes with him in the evenings, he was tired, cranky, whiney, hungry, and exercising his right as an 18 month old to throw tantrums. I complained to Andrew about this and he said that rather than focus on how unfortunate that is 5 days a week, he savors the weekends where we have two full days with a smiling, happy, adventurous boy that we get to enjoy taking to the park, playing with the dogs, hanging around the house, and otherwise finding adventures to get into. Touche. In a nutshell, I'm a master at identifying what is going wrong or what can be better...I need to practice identifying all of the things that are going right and focus on that.

Challenge Yourself 

This is sort of an extension to my "trust your guts" tip. For me, personally, I generally find happiness in a challenge. Nothing necessarily insurmountable, but I gain a lot of personal satisfaction from achievement. I'm never really competing against anyone else except myself, but there is something about being able to say, "hey! I did it!" that feels pretty amazing. Of course, this type of activity can be an incredible form of stress so I really try to evaluate the projects or goals I am taking on and pair them down into more realistic and manageable pieces. I tend to dream HUGE so this can be difficult...but it is possible. Lately, I've identified that I would gain immense happiness and satisfaction if I take some of the new found flexibility I have in my schedule to focus on some additional fitness certification goals including more Les Mills certifications, my AFAA and ACE certifications, and possible even my personal training certification this year. While these goals take work and some sacrifice of time to achieve and are challenging both physically and mentally, they aren't so huge that achievement can't be tasted. I'm going for it! So what about yourself? Maybe your challenge is similar. Maybe you want to get through a stack of unread novels to carve out a little personal time. Maybe you're gunning for a promotion at work? What challenge can you pose to yourself that would bring you greater happiness?

Find Something You Love and Do It!
Everyone needs a hobby. This is especially important for all of my parent friends out there. Andrew and I have discussed at LENGTH that it is important and healthy for us to keep our personal identities and identity within our marriage in addition to our kids. Don't get us wrong, we love our child(ren) (<-- 3 weeks!) but we just won't let the world revolve around them. Each maintaining our own hobbies not only sets examples for our kids and perhaps even gives them something to participate in with us in the future, but it affords us the opportunity to unwind, recharge, have something interesting to talk about with one another, and keep our minds active. For me, my hobby has really becoming health and fitness, both leading classes and blogging about it. I have a million other things I'd like to do to but this, and getting into the occasional good book, is about all I have time to focus on right now so I'll immerse myself in these areas as time permits. For the record, I should state that if you sit back and allow time to "permit" it will never happen...so I rephrase and say, make a conscious effort to carve out some time as well. Literally schedule it. I try to work on blogging during Connor's nap time for example. Set aside an hour and savor something you enjoy.

So, while many of these "tips" are personal to my life and experiences, I hope you gained something valuable that you can identify with as well. I posed several questions throughout my post and would love to hear your thoughts in the comments section. Let me know all of the ways that you try to find some happiness in your life. How do you struggle? How do you succeed? Also, I read a book called The Happiness Project last summer. I loved it! While I just don't have the mental fortitude this year to conduct my own "happiness project" the book had some great take-aways and I know there are many individuals out there, bloggers and non-bloggers alike, who have taken this journey. The author, Gretchen Rubin, has a great website as well if you'd like to take a look.

I mention the book The Happiness Project because I thought it was relevant to this post. I have no relationship with the author or publisher and have not been compensated for mention of the book or website. I purchased the book myself and found it valuable and a good read so wanted to mention it as a resource here. I have included an affiliate link to my Amazon shop if you'd like to purchase the book. I get a small commission for it's purchase at no additional cost to you. I use the Amazon Affiliate program to generate commissions to support the maintenance of this blog :) Thanks!